Communicating with bereaved supporters

We've all been there. You're talking to someone who's just lost a loved one, and you don't want to say the wrong thing and make it worse.

Here are our top tips from bereavement counselling expert Catherine Betley of GriefChat on how to talk to someone bereaved, with empathy and understanding.

First of all, it's crucial that you take the time to find out why the supporter is in touch with your charity. You're here to help them, and facilitate what it is that they need, so you need to find out practical information first of all.

Some dos and don'ts:

Do find out about the person they have lost; ‘Thank you so much for telling me about your loved one’. Often people will avoid asking about their loved one, so do make a point of gently asking.

Do listen and provide empathy; I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say, thank you for sharing that with me’. Be honest, it always shows. If you don't know quite what to say, then tell them this, it's far better and often opens up easier conversations.

Do ‘communicate, communicate, communicate’. Engage with your supporters and build relationships.

Do provide clear and simple information; recently bereaved people may not be able to retain complex information. Also if you can, offer it in a variety of ways, on a webpage and via post for example. A bereavement includes a huge amount of paperwork and red tape, so having some options of how to digest information can be very helpful.

Do include funeral collections as a separate section on your website. Often people won't realise you can help them with this, so clear signposting is a must.

Don't change the subject when bereaved people talk about their loss. It may be hard to hear, but avoid changing the subject if you possibly can.

Don't feel the need to find a ‘bright side’ by saying something like ‘time is a great healer.’

Don't assume that bereaved people should have ‘got over’ the loss by a certain time.

Don't worry if someone does not want to discuss their loss or grief. This is very normal, so let the conversation be led by your supporter, and offer the information that they want.